How Letting Go Helps You Embrace Wholehearted Living
The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go.
- Anonymous
Last week we began to explore Brene Brown’s 10 Guideposts to Wholehearted Living with an article focused on the things we need to cultivate to live this way. Today we will focus on things we must let go of to live wholeheartedly.
While releasing these things may feel scary, holding on to them will weigh us down and keep us from living life to the fullest. Take a look at the list and consider if you would benefit from letting some of these things go. It's the perfect time of year to release the things that are holding you back.
What Others Think
Brene Brown recognizes that something is lost when we worry too much about what other people think of us. She encourages us to question, “What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?” She encourages us to consider whose opinion really matters to us and to write those names on a one inch by one inch piece of paper. The only names that belong on that list “are the people who love you and care about you, not despite your imperfection or vulnerability, but because of it.”
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“Wholeheartedness is like a North Star. You can never get there, but you know when you are headed the right way.” - Brene Brown
Brene Brown is a researcher and social worker best known for her work on shame, vulnerability, and living a wholehearted life. She is a compelling storyteller which allows her to communicate deep concepts in an accessible and enjoyable way.
In her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead she explores 10 guideposts to living wholeheartedly.
Brown says, “wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think - no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough! It’s going to bed at night thinking; yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. Wholehearted living is not a one-time choice; it is a process. In fact, I believe it’s the journey of a lifetime.”
Cultivating the Positive
Brown created the 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living based on her research of people she describes as living a wholehearted life. Each guidepost has something positive to cultivate as well as something that must be released. As the term guidepost implies, the goal is to be heading in the right direction, not achieving some level of perfection.
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While I was an active child, I have never been a super athletic person. Working out and staying fit does not come easy to me. Because of this, it is especially important for me to find the right type of workout at the right kind of gym.
In the past I have tried places that did not give enough guidance, made me feel intimidated, or even shamed me for not keeping up. This was discouraging and at times dangerous. (Like the time I was told to just try a 60 lb deadlift, when they knew I had never lifted before!)
But I have also had a handful of incredible experiences. Though these experiences were very different in style, they had a few things in common. Both gyms provided adequate guidance, encouraged me to work at my own pace, and celebrate my achievements. The instructors created a nurturing, positive environment where it was safe to take risks and grow.
Two of the best gyms that I have found are H4 Fitness in Wheaton/Geneva and Mindful Movements in Glen Ellyn!
H4 Training
Nexus by definition is a means of connection between members of a group or things in a series; link; bond. To us the name Nexus truly defines what our small group training is all about and that is a bond and connection. -Hank, owner and trainer
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“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.”― Henry Ford
I love growing in my knowledge and never want to stop learning! With a fairly demanding schedule it has been important for me to be creative in the way I do this. Listening to audio-books is a great way to immerse myself in new ideas while driving and has allowed me to explore many topics.
This week I’ll share with you some of the books I have been listening to lately. Perhaps it will inspire you to read one of these books, or explore a topic you’ve been meaning to look into.
The books range in authors from doctors to navy seals. The topics cover leadership, healing, and vulnerability. But each of these authors is passionate about their story, making for a compelling read!
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
“The Way of the Essentialist isn't about getting more done in less time. It's about getting only the right things done. It is not a time management strategy, or a productivity technique. It is a systematic discipline for discerning what is absolutely essential, then eliminating everything that is not, so we can make the highest possible contribution towards the things that really matter.
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There is one situation where most experts agree it is best to keep your mouth shut. No, it's not when you have a strong opinion or disagree with a friend. It's simply when you are breathing!
We all know that we need oxygen to survive, but does it really matter if we get that oxygen breathing through our mouth or nose? According to many experts, it does.
Let’s look at the claim that nose breathing is the best way to get your oxygen and explore ways to get the most out of your breath!
Why Nose Breathing Is Best
Science has found many benefits of nose breathing over mouth breathing that most people are not aware of, including:
- Filtering - the cilia in our nose acts as a filter, purifying the air of particles. Further down the respiratory tract, the mucus lined windpipe continues to trap particles before they get to our lungs.
- Regulating - the nasal passages regulate the humidity and temperature of the air we breathe.
- Absorbing Oxygen - the paranasal sinuses produce nitric oxide, a gas that can increase your lungs ability to absorb oxygen by 10-25%.
- Immune Response - nitric oxide also has anti-fungal, anti-viral, anti-parasitic, and anti-bacterial properties.
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Last week’s blog looked at the benefits of creating a gratitude practice and explored many ideas for starting one. While some of you were ready to jump into a gratitude practice, the very thought of gratitude may have made others of you want to scream!
Gratitude & Denial Are Not the Same Thing
Thinking about gratefulness doesn’t seem to make sense when you are hurting. That’s okay! If life has been difficult recently, you may be struggling with all kinds of painful emotions. There is a reason you feel the way you do, and pushing these difficult emotions aside is not our goal.
In fact, denying our difficult emotions can actually have a negative effect on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. It is important to allow yourself to lean into these painful emotions and accept them without judgement.
Leaning into difficult emotions and not avoiding them can actually open you up to a whole new experience. According to Brene Brown, “mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”
Since we know that putting on a happy face and forcing gratefulness will not help us in the long run, let’s explore how to lean into gratefulness while honoring the hard aspects of our lives!
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