It’s resolution time, and many people have high expectations of themselves. Self-improvement is great, but are you able to be kind to yourself in the process? It’s time for a quick check before we get too far into the year.
Is your goal making you push yourself too hard? What are you telling yourself in the process? Do you have a balance between challenging yourself and accepting yourself where you are today?
Let’s look at how we treat ourselves during this time of New Year's resolutions and explore how being kind to yourself may help you achieve your goals.
Pushing Yourself
Many people have the habit of pushing themselves too much. They have high goals and want to achieve them quickly. To do so, they don’t give themselves the rest and recovery time needed.
Success is often dependent on long-term change. Accepting your limits will allow you to achieve your goals with more peace. This can help you persevere so you will have lasting success. And think about it, our goals are made to bring us more joy. What’s the point of letting them rob us of joy in the process?
Speaking to Yourself
We don’t tend to be very kind to ourselves with our words. Ask yourself honestly what you say to motivate yourself. Is it encouraging or harsh? What about when you disappoint yourself? Speaking to ourselves kindly makes a huge difference in our experience.
Positive feedback is more effective with children; why should it be any different for us? Researcher Ayelet Fishbach explains, “Several motivational theories attest that positive feedback is more effective for motivating goal pursuit than negative feedback because it increases outcome expectancy of the goal… (and) increases people’s confidence.”
Accepting Yourself
It can be tricky to find the balance between working towards change and accepting ourselves. Our identity tends to get caught up in whether we are achieving our goals. Self-acceptance provides a clear sense of one's abilities and achievements, while also accepting one's limitations.
Coming to our goals through the lens of self-acceptance is important for both our mental and physical health. Research has found a correlation between self-acceptance and mood. Another study found that self-acceptance decreased mortality risk by 19% and added three years of life, even when other factors were accounted for.
Aren't most resolutions designed to give you a more fulfilling and longer life? Of course, they are, otherwise, they wouldn’t be worth pursuing. Don’t wait to accept yourself until you meet a certain ideal. You are worth loving as you are without any exceptions. For more on self-acceptance, check out this article from Better Health.
Think about the people in your life who inspire you the most. Chances are they are kind and accept you for who you are. Most likely, they encourage you instead of tearing you down. So, let me ask you, are you that kind of friend to yourself?
Dr. Jamie
As we go into the new year, thirty percent of people make resolutions in hopes of changing for the better. Even those who don’t commit to specific change often find themselves reflecting on their life and clarifying their values.
I want to introduce you to a concept that might make the process of change a little easier. It involves some soul-searching to find out who you want to be. Knowing this can help you see your next steps and motivate you in the process.
Let’s look at how to do that and then turn our attention to some tips for making traditional resolutions better.
Clarify Who You Want to Be
Before deciding on outward action take some time to think about who you want to be. Do this before you decide on specific resolutions or begin to make an action plan.
Do you want to be a…
- great parent
- successful entrepreneur
- good friend
- healthy vibrant person
- lighthearted individual
What do you see when you think about that person?
- what do they look like
- what are their facial expressions
- how do they perceive themself
- how do those close to them perceive them
What would the future you do if they were who you want them to be?
- how do they act
- how do they handle their finances
- how do they spend their time
- what do they eat
- what is their interaction like with their family
- do they take risks
- do they shy away from challenges
How Knowing This Helps
Finding out who you want to be will clarify “your why.” Knowing why you want to do something is as important as how you want to achieve it. Let’s look at some typical resolutions, breaking down what someone’s “why” might be. They may want to...
- eat healthy to feel more energized to pursue their career and become a successful businessperson
- save money to be able to travel and become an adventurous fun person when they retire
- reduce stress to be more present with their kids and be a great parent
- exercise more to set themselves up to stay active in their older years continuing to be a healthy vibrant person
How to Set Resolutions
Our lives five years from now will be a result of the culmination of tiny habits formed along the way. If you want to be a person in five years, you need to start acting like that person today.
If you are a resolution person, it’s time to make an action plan that will set you up to reach your goal. When we achieve a goal it creates a desire to keep going and often challenges us to make other positive changes.
So, when you set your goals…
- Be realistic - Look at your capacity (schedule, commitments, energy level, physical ability, etc.). As much as we hate to admit it, we are finite beings with limited capacity. Saying “yes” to one thing will mean saying “no” to something else. Make sure that your goal is worth saying “yes” to, and figure out what you will say “no” to in exchange.
- Be specific - John Norcross of the University of Scranton says, “if you can't measure it, it's not a very good resolution because vague goals beget vague resolutions." So, rather than deciding to "exercise more," you might want to say that you will take a walk three times a week during your lunch break.
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It is challenging to embrace the magic of holiday mornings when you are rushing around trying to make a special breakfast. You deserve to enjoy the morning and a delicious meal without stress. After all, it is your holiday too!
Planning and preparing ahead of time will free you up and allow you to focus on what’s important. Recipes that can be made the day before will be especially helpful. It won’t take much effort but can make a huge difference in your experience of the holiday.
Let’s look at some great recipes that will set you up for a wonderful holiday!
Avocado Boats
These avocado boats provide healthy fats and protein. It will balance out any sweet treats and keep you full until lunch. Preparing the ingredients ahead of time will make assembling them a snap.
Cook the bacon ahead of time, and chop the toppings. In the morning you will just need to cut the avocados, assemble them, and bake (about 15 minutes plus time for the oven to preheat.)
Paleo Breakfast Casserole
This unique breakfast casserole includes sweet potato and Brussels sprouts, as well as traditional eggs and bacon. It will keep you full until lunch and balance out the sweet treats that tend to be part of holidays.
Prepare the bacon and veggies the night before. In the morning, simply add the eggs and bake (about 25 minutes plus time for the oven to preheat).
*Recipe from The Paleo Running Momma
Egg-Free Breakfast Bowls
Not everyone can eat eggs or likes them. Whether you eat eggs or not, this egg-free breakfast bowl will be a hit. It looks delicious and provides great nutrients to start the day.
Make or buy fresh guacamole and pico de gallo to make the recipe less labor-intensive. Cook the sausage, and chop the sweet potatoes and kale the day before. In the morning, throw the sweet potatoes in the oven (about 30 minutes plus time for the oven to preheat). While they cook, saute the kale before assembling the bowls.
*Recipe from Paleomg
Oven Baked Bacon
Simple bacon is always enjoyed. It contains protein and fat which helps keep your blood sugar stable. However, it can be pretty labor-intensive to fry small batches in a pan.
If you want to make a large amount of bacon, you can put it in the oven (about 15 minutes plus time for the oven to preheat). Oven-cooked bacon turns out crispy every time.
*Recipe from Nom Nom Paleo
Paleo Blueberry Muffins
Who doesn’t love a good blueberry muffin? But many packaged varieties have fillers that you may not want to put in your body. Even homemade ones can be loaded with sugar.
These Paleo muffins are made with clean ingredients, sweetened with maple syrup, and can be made ahead of time. There are sure to be a hit with everyone, including any kids that will be there.
*Recipe from Downshiftology
Healthier Peach Crisp
Fruit crisps are delicious, but tend to be filled with unnecessary sugar. This peach crisp is made with almond flour and a bit of maple syrup. You can make it with fresh or frozen peaches.
Make sure frozen peaches are defrosted. This can take around three hours at room temperature. You can make the topping the day before, then sprinkle it over the peaches in the morning, and bake (about 40 minutes plus time for the oven to preheat).
*Recipe from Elana’s Pantry
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It’s twelve days until Christmas, so you probably don’t have a lot of time for self-care. You might not even have enough time to read this article. So, I’ll make this short for you!
Let’s look at some things you can do to take care of yourself in 5-minutes or less.
- Put on a cozy sweater or sweatshirt
- Open the window for a cool breeze
- Massage or stroke your face
- Do some jumping jacks
- Meditate
- Smile (extra credit if you can make yourself laugh)
- Wrap one gift
- Dance
- Tell yourself or someone else a joke
- Gaze at the stars
- Yoga (hold the child’s pose)
- Take some deep breaths
- Stare at nature
- Declutter your nightstand
- Give yourself a foot massage
- Put on some makeup
- List three positive things about yourself
- Close your eyes letting the sunshine on your face
- Diffuse your favorite scent
- Play with your pet
- Make a list of everything on your mind
- Do a sudoku or crossword puzzle
- Hug a loved one
- Open your blinds
- Be completely still
- Listen to your favorite song
- Apply a face mask
- Sit in your car in silence
- Pick a mantra to focus on
- Step outside or go for a walk
- Sing your favorite song
- Mindfully drink your coffee
- Eat a piece of dark chocolate
- Stretch your body
- Progressively tense and relax your body
- Apply lotion to your body
- Doodle or color
- Look at old pictures
Remember, you deserve to enjoy your holiday. It’s more important to be present with your loved ones than it is to try to make everything perfect. So, please be kind to yourself this holiday season.
Dr. Jamie
As much as we want to enjoy the holidays, stress can overshadow the joy. We may try to cope by eating the many sweet treats around us. Eating when you are stressed is considered emotional eating.
It is an attempt to fill an emotional need rather than a physical one. The surge of dopamine after a sweet treat brings temporary relief but doesn’t last. The stress will return and may be compounded by regret.
Let’s take a look at emotional eating and how to handle it throughout the holiday season.
Building Awareness
Self-awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle of emotional eating. It is a skill to be able to identify when you are really hungry and when you are trying to meet an emotional need.
Ask yourself if you are stressed, sad, lonely, angry, or bored before you grab a bite to eat. If you are experiencing a difficult emotion, ask yourself if you are really hungry or if you are trying to meet an emotional need.
Sometimes it can be hard to tell. The Mayo Clinic has identified some clues you can look for to determine if you are really hungry.
For instance...
- physical hunger generally builds gradually after not eating, while emotional hunger can come on suddenly even if you have recently eaten.
- physical hunger is felt in the stomach, while emotional hunger is felt in the mind.
- physical hunger builds gradually and there is patience felt in meeting that need, while emotional hunger tends to demand an immediate response.
- emotional hunger often feels like it can only be satisfied with a specific type of food, while physical hunger can be satisfied with many different options.
- emotional eating often makes you feel ashamed, while physical hunger simply leaves you satisfied.
An Intentional Choice
Once you recognize what is driving you to reach for food, you can intentionally choose a response. You may still choose to eat the treat even if you are not truly hungry. If so, enjoy every bite without guilt. Making your decision consciously is a great practice to develop.
If you decide to skip the treat for now, here are some things that can help you stick to your choice in the moment...
- distract yourself for a time (watch a show, read a book, etc.)
- remove yourself from the situation (go for a walk, take a drive, leave the room, etc.)
- reach out to a friend (make a phone call, send a text message, etc.)
- lean into the difficult emotion (let it wash over you knowing it is temporary.)
- comfort yourself through self-care (journal, create something, do something artistic, etc.)
- rest or take a nap if you are tired (lay down for a nap, stare out the window, etc.)
- exercise (even gentle movement can be beneficial.)
- practice, meditation, mindfulness, or self-compassion exercises.
Enjoy the season. It’s okay to treat yourself to foods you might not otherwise eat. Make these choices intentionally, so you can truly enjoy them without regret!
Dr. Jamie
